Thursday, January 14, 2010

T O'ed

Did I mentioned how pissed off I am? I am so angry this happened to me. I am tired of the "good days" and the "bad days". I am tired of being on this see-saw. I am tired of being disabled. I am tired of being scared to death. I am tired of being uncertain.

Dam it all! I better get some good news from these docs soon. I swear if my next MRI doesn't come out normal I don't know what I am going to do. I want this hole covered in my head once and for all! I feel so vulnerable with this freakin' hole in my head. One punch to the head and i'm a gonner.

Well I created this blog to vent. I'm going to work today even though it is a "bad" day. Not to mention I had a bad night. I am dizzy once again and my limbs just dont feel right. I cant explain it because it is so difficult to describe. There is no describing it to ANYONE because no one understands and no one can relate.

All right, well here I go, i'm going to work, wish me luck. Wish me courage. Wish me strength. My life sucks.

3 comments:

  1. Relentless is a word that comes to mind. I hope you can have your surgery soon. There will still be plenty on your plate but having the hole closed will be so much less vulnerable. It will be and is a marathon though.

    Hang in there,
    Donna

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  2. Hello, my name is Claudia, i saw a post of yours on Meningiomma mommas. We have similar stories, surgery, infection, plate (did you get yours yet?) anyway i just read your comment about your limbs 'just not feeling right' and i had to tell you I SO UNDERSTAND THIS!i cant explain it either. my arm and hand are worse than my leg. With my leg i just notice it drags a bit when i am tired. my arm and hand feel like they are shot up with novacane all the time. I can use my thumb and pointer finger but the others are just, well weird! one day my husband even poked me hard and when i said 'ow' he said, 'i thought you couldn't feel it" well i can feel it, it is just differnt like you said. people dont understand because it looks normal. my arm is weak and it makes my shoulder ache because the muscles dont hold it where they should. I dont have awareness where my fingers are so i smash them or cut them, a lot. anyway, i totally understand. Also, the soft spot! I only had mine for 6 months. it was so funny, people would ask to touch it! i would cough or make it pulse to freak them out, i called it my only party trick. Im glad i dont have that trick anymore! the plate is fine. sometime it hurts but it is better than a helmet! Good luck and keep me posted. chalecky@yahoo.com. nice to meet a kindres spirit. : ) hang in there.
    claudia halecky

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  3. oh and ps...your life doesn't suck, your circumstances right now sure do, but life is good!

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