Thursday, October 29, 2009

Shortness of Breath Resurfaces

Last night around 4am I got up to eat something. When I returned to bed I had shortness of breath. I took an Aciphex and that helped. Well the shortness of breath returned today at around 11am. This sucks. I have never had asthma in my life however both my sisters and mother have/had asthma. However they describe a tightness in the throat when they get asthma. I feel a restriction in my diaphragm and chest.

I'm so sick and tired of being scared and sick. Eversince this brain surgery it has been one terrifying thing after the next. I miss my old life. I sure as heck appreciate this one, but without all the scary things. Like worrying about my breath, or seizures or being able to work, or my next surgery, or my anxiety.

Ahhhh life. What a turn you have taken. You are really testing me and showing me how strong I really am.....I never knew it.

My 2nd full day at work

Well my 2nd day at work was MUCH better than my first. I had no seizure activity what-so-evah! I just paced myself all day and did a little futzing about with my siezure meds and that seemed to do the trick. Here's hoping for more good days than bad.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

My 1st full day at work

Tuesday, 10-27-09
It was my first full day at work. I worked from 9-5:30pm. It started off well enough but then at around 2:00 pm, the seizures started. I felt just awful, dizzy, tired, lethargic and my nose went numb. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I just put my head down on my desk when I needed. I prayed to God to watch over me and not let me pass out and to let me make it home safe while driving. Thankfully I made it through the day and safely home. It was just a trying day for me. Hopefully today will be a good day.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Today Is a Good Day

I am having a much better day than yesterday. Just takin' it easy today. No seizures so far.

Terrible Day

Sunday, 10/25/09 - Well I have been feeling pretty good these past few weeks, just dealing with minor seizure issues. I went back to work and all was well. Well yesterday morning I decided to add some walking lunges to my exercise routine. That did it, I pushed myself to far. By the 3rd set I felt an electric charge in my brain. That was 11am and would be the start of non-stop seizure activity until 9pm that night. It was one of the worst days i've had since my early days of recovery. I guess I am in essence still in the early stages of recovery. Sometimes I forget that. I just want to get back to my old life. I used to be able to do so much. So anyway yesterday sucked royally. Did a lot of praying yesterday. Had a lot of anxiety and fear. Sometimes I just get so angry. I am mad that this happened to me. But I know that those are all just normal feelings.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Doing Okay

Still having a bit of seizure activity. By "seizure activity" I mean that I will get really sleepy, it is really hard for me to focus and anything on the right side of my body (from a foot to a leg to an arm to my face or any combination thereof) gets a numb sensation. This usually lasts for a couple hours and goes away just as quickly as it reared its annoying face. I guess I haven't found the right dose of anti-seizure medication yet. I'm getting used to these feelings. I used to get really stressed out when it happened, I still do, but not terrified like before.

Note to self: You haven't gotten good quality rest this past week. Poor sleep contributes to a lower seizure threshold. Also you had some candy, it has been your experience in the past that sugar also lowers your seizure threshold.

Friday, October 16, 2009

First Day Of Work

My first day back to work was GREAT! Of course I was nervous and didn't sleep much the night before but all my fears were in vain. It felt so great to be back at work. It was a real confidence booster to be affirming to myself that I can work like I use to. It was wonderful.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Challenging Day

Yesterday was a challenging day. I had shortness of breath from 12 noon to 9:00 pm. It stressed me out to say the least. I kept busy to keep my mind off of it. I prayed to God. It was plain scary.

This morning I prayed to God to help me deal with my fear and to help me think clearly when I get shortness of breath, anxiety, or seizures. I pray for him to provide me with peace and comfort.

My friend Kim was hospitalized for 8 months fighting Leukemia. She ultimately beat it. She even had a bone marrow transplant. She has been in remission for almost 10 years now. She told me that my fear and anxiety would gradually dissipate to a level that is normal.

Friday, October 9, 2009

A Day Trip to Brooklyn

This day brought me great anxiety with some laughs sprinkled in for good measure. The concrete jungle just made me so anxious. Being out in loud restaurants bothers me. It has been 4 months that I have been a recluse. It is going to take some time to get back to my normal routine and feeling comfortable in public places once again.

Since I have had so many set backs I have developed a fear so strong that it is hard to get rid of. I wake up in the middle of the night consistently stressed out, thinking about the horrors that I have been subject to and wondering when the next one is going to strike. I know I cannot live like that. I have to shake this fear. I know that if I ask God to remove these fears; he will. On the other hand things have been going pretty darn well for me. I just have to keep on having faith.

I am only getting better with each day that passes. I know I will be just fine as long as I keep God very near.

Special shout out to Jim for the beautiful card I received in the mail - Thanks so much Jim!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

No News Is Great News

Well I haven't posted in a while because things have been great! I still deal with fear issues but God helps me work through my fear and anxiety. I am enjoying getting back to life and my new found independence. I am greatful everyday for the billions of blessings in my life. I have been exercising and preparing to go back to work on October 15th. Thank you God!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH. WISH YOU WERE HERE TO HOLD MY HAND, BUT THAT'S NOT YOUR STYLE, YOU RAISED SOME STRONG CHILDREN FOR A REASON.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Feeling Fine in the Pumpkin Patch!

Thanks Bizzy, Andrew and Lil' Deeds for going Pumpkin Patch Pickin' with me! video

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Seizures

Had a great day but towards 5 o'clock I started to get some mild Jacksonian Seizures. My right foot became numb and I became very lethargic. So I just laid down and watched TV until it passed. I am going to make an appointment with my neurologist. I was doing so well for a week. I just want to get these seizures under control no matter how small they are, they are annoying and scary nonetheless. I have never had to deal with this ever in my life.

Note to self: My hands have been itching me. Something is irritating them. They are slightly swollen. It is probably because I am washing them too much for fear of contaminating my incision.

10/4/09 - Still having minor issues with numbness. Thinking about increasing my dose of anti-seizure med.

Friday, October 2, 2009

ANOTHER GREAT DAY

Yesterday I went to my primary care doctor for the tightness in my chest. She did an EKG on me and by the grace of God it came out normal. She said that after all that I have been through it would not be abnormal for me to have high anxiety and stress which can cause tightness in the chest. The chest tightness was gone by mid-day and I haven't had any since. I went through the entire night comfortably. Also the thought of assimilating back into life although exciting can be overwhelming at times. You wonder, am I going to be able to do it? Am I going to hold up? Well of course I am but I just have to have patience and have a slow go at it.

Also yesterday I drove for the first time since June! Yes I left the nest! I was very anxious driving for the 1st time in a while. I am used to always having someone by my side when I go out. Someone is always driving me somewhere. But this time it was just me. Although anxiety ridden at first, I simply took a deep breath in and exhaled. Then I started to feel good. Matter of fact, I felt great! Freedom was once again mine! I was mobile again! Able to go where I want when I want; no longer a captive in my own home. I drove myself to my employer and I met with them. I was swarmed by all my co-workers. I thought to myself, "Oh my goodness, PEOPLE!" I have been a recluse for the past 4 months so to socialize was a bit overwhelming. I was happy when I was able to speak to my boss and human resource lady in a private room without all my co-workers. I am so thankful to my employer. They have been so understanding. I am going back to work part-time on October 15. My hours will be M-F 10am - 2:30pm.

Ahhhhhhhh, Life is Good and I am just beginning to live mine again!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Still Tightness in Chest

I am fine all day then as soon as I lay down in the evening the tightness/knots in my chest start. It lasted all night last night. I took some pepto bismol but it did nothing. What the heck? All night I was worried about having a heart attack. I hope that it is just gas. It is very distracting and I am not able to fall asleep. I am going to see my primary care doctor asap. I guess my body is not done terrorizing me. I mean I have only been going through hell for 4 months consecutive; why stop now? I really am going to go on with my life and just hope and pray to God to take care of me.