Well another appointment that didn't go my way. I saw my Neurosurgeon on Thursday, 3/11/10. He looked at my latest MRI and concluded one of two things...1) that there is new tumor regrowth or 2) there is residual (left over tumor from the 1st surgery). So he said that he was going to have to go back and tinker with my brain again and he may have to go back further cutting additional skull. In the same surgery he will replace the missing bone flap (plug up the hole in my head). I wasn't expecting more disappointing news, I was expecting to hear OK all looks good and i'm just gonna cap you off and I dont have to touch your brain. I dont know how long the recovery is going to be and I dont know WTF.
It took me so long to write this update because I was so upset. I'm tired, worn and weary. I will continue to pray to God for this final surgery to be the last one. He said later down the road, IF there is tumor regrowth I will have to get radiation. I have to get another MRI in May and will bring it to him to look at on May 13th 2010. He will be able to determine if it is left over tumor or new tumor regrowth. My surgery will follow immediately in May 2010.
I WANT TO LIVE A BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE.... I WANT TO LIVE PERIOD..... OH AND DONT FORGET, MOST IMPORTANTLY I WANT MY FREAKIN' GORGEOUS HAIR BACK.... I'M A FREAKIN GIRL FOR * SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. I dont want to hear ANYBODY saying, "well at least your alive, oh and you have so much to be thankful for" or any other obvious things that I already know. Bottom line...IM ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED! THIS SUCKS!
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Go ahead. Be angry. Scream! Yell! It is very frustrating. I would guess you have at least two surgeries to expect in the future. You did feel good when this unhealed problem was in your head. You may feel good even when this "bomb" remains so continue to do as much as you can. I am pulling for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jim. Hopefully this will be the last surgery I have. I edited my post to make it accurate. I found out what residual means, it means left over tumor from the first surgery. He said that there was some left over from a place in the brain that is very hard to get to and very dangerous to touch that part of the brain.
ReplyDeleteMaria, I've started a response to you here and at MM about three or four times. I get lost in what feels like trite and meaningless words. I know what it feels like for people to attempt supportive words but miss the the mark and end up dismissing the impact of the situation.
ReplyDeleteSo, I curse the forces that have gone awry in nature's plan. I rage against the unfairness of it all. I damn the fear and angst that have become embedded in your existence. I just plain hate that all this is happening.
To balance that out, I send gentle cyberhugs.
Donna
Thanks Donna, now that's a response I can tolerate. Very well thought out and sincere. I know I have to take it easy on people and realize that they are just trying to help but I'm just angry lately. Thank you Donna.
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