Well i'm listening to a very appropriate song while typing this post. It is called, "Shattered Dreams". Today I traveled through a supposed "snow storm" to Philadelphia to get an MRI and to see my epilepsy docs. They compared the MRI from December that showed the swelling with the MRI from today and to my GREAT dismay, there was no change. However I have been feeling great for the entire month of February. However today, I dont know if is my nerves or what, but my right leg and foot feel slightly numb. Heck, I dont know what I feel anymore. I was so disappointed. I cried. Then I stopped and picked myself up. I am up but I'm disoriented as in completely lost. I feel like Alice in Wonderland. This is not the way that I imagined this day. Not what I wanted to hear. I feel high anxiety and depression. I'm just glad that I am doing well regardless. Everything is functioning properly. I dreamed of getting my surgery over and done with in March. Alas I feel that is not going to be. Perhaps this is somehow a blessing in disguise.
Anyway, I see my neurosurgeon on Tuesday and we shall see what he says upon laying his eyes upon my latest MRI.
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Maria, this broke my heart to read. I can't imagine going around with your head not closed up -- guess I shouldn't complain so much about my screws that stick out (and, yes they do). You sound strong in spite of this set-back although I'm sure it's quite a spiraling mind-bender. Maybe the NS will have a new twist on this.
ReplyDeleteKeep the hope -- you *will* come through this and what a force you'll be!
Take care, Donna
Some times I feel like one of those toys that Santa's workshop puts onto "The Island of Misfit Toys" on Rudolph the Red Nose reindeer. With a hole in my head and a piece of skull missing...Ha ha, very funny. I'm just trying to make light of it all. It definitely is a spiraling mind bender. Thanks for your comment Donna. Keep feeling good :-)
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you have been feeling better and able to function must be good signs. It is a disappointment, but it was probably better going into this feeling positive than "preparing" for the worse. See what plans the doctor has. It sounds as if you have some "inner strength" that has served you well.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jim. I guess it is better to be sure about the swelling than to have the surgery. If I have to wait another 6 months, so be it. I am bummed about it but in the meantime I am enjoying my life.
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