Feeling Pretty Weird Today - Getting Worse

Well people I dont know what to tell you. I dont know what is going on but since around the time I had my first Grand Mal Seizure 12/17/09 I just cant function right. Here's the problems:

- I always want to fall to the right. My head feels like it is perpetually falling to the right.
- The right side of my face and body are numb, awkward and clumsy.
- I cant seem to make it through the entire work day. I simply cant. I become mentally and physically fatigued so much that I cant even think or respond. The other day I had to lay down on the couch at work and a co-worker of mine gladly drove me home.
- I cant do much of anything without getting really shakey on my right side. Its like my right side struggles so and just needs to shut down.
- My right side of my head feels like it weighs 100 pounds and it is a struggle to keep it up.
- I am utterly weak and uncoordinated. Getting dressed and doing everyday tasks has become quite the chore. I am a high fall risk. Washing my hair is a monumental task.
- I can barely do my nails. It is quite the laborious task now.
- Everything is hard to do.

What do I think is going on:
- Well they started me on steroids for the swelling on my brain where my tumor was on 12/19/09 and it could be those. I still have a couple more days left on those.
- It could be my body adjusting to my new antiseizure regimen. I was taking for quite some time Keppra XR 1250mg and started Lamictal XR mid October and am still in the process of working up to 200 mg/day. Right now I am at 175mg of Lamictal/day. Next tuesday I will reach the max dose of 200 mg/day and stay there for quite some time until I see my epilepsy docs at Thomas Jefferson in Philadelphia in February or sooner.

This is the most debilitated I have been since my early recovery days. I made some wonderful progress these past months but have some how regressed. I want to point fingers, but that wont do a thing. Maybe I just have to be patient. I was able to work full time again and was doing quite well these past months. But now I dont know If I can. I am hoping that this grand mal seizure is just something I have to recover from. Anything could be going on in that head of mine.

I am at God's mercy and gladly so. He will do as he sees fit. Everything is happening for a reason and I know exactly why this is happening to me. I'm OK with that. I am just going to ride it out the best and most sane way I can.

I can control nothing. I see that now. I have NO CONTROL over the future or this situation. NONE.

MY MY MY, LOOK AT HOW FAR WE FALL!